Remembering Loved Ones at the Holidays and Any Day

Finding ways to make it through the holidays, to keep smiling and get into the Christmas Spirit can be especially challenging for those facing the holidays without a loved one, whether they are apart due to distance or due to death at the holidays.

One way to making the holidays easier is to find a special way to remember those loved ones as part of the holiday season. Discover many symbolic and tangible ways to remember loved ones and those who have been close to us who have died at the holidays.

Some of my favorite ways of remembering are hanging an ornament, lighting a candle, putting up a stocking and listening to music.

While some of these suggestions are specific for the holidays, others can work any day to remember a loved one.

You can also find helpful suggestions and Ways of Coping When You're Apart at the Holidays at the page on "I'll Be Home for Christmas."

If it is the first holiday season without a love one, you may want have family and friends gather to share favorite stories or memories about the person who has died. This can be done as a formal celebration, or informally by having everyone write letters or remember in their own way during holiday preparations.

A special thanks to Sylvestermouse whose lens I Miss You Most at Christmas Time was my incentive for finally pulling together a much overdue lens on remembering those who have been lost at the holidays.

Grief Angel Ornament available on CafePress.

A Special Remembrance Ornament available on Amazon

One very simple way to remembering a loved one at the holidays is to hang a special ornament on the tree or place out other special holiday decorations.

The ornament you choose might be a new remembrance, memorial or grief ornament. It might also be a favorite ornament of the loved ones from years past.

Working through grief when you've lost a loved one is always difficult, but it can be especially trying during the holidays. Learn how one family is coping with the holidays from WCVBtv.

Light a candle or a lantern can be another special way to remember a loved one.

You might choose to have a memorial candle as part of your holiday decorations. You might light a candle in a church or as part of a special candle lighting ceremony.

The World Candle Lighting remembers children who have died too soon. Many hospice programs offer a special candle lighting tree.

One of the scenes from the new Disney movie Tangled touched my heart. It was the lantern lighting.

When Rapunzel was little her parents lit a wish lantern on her birthday. Then every year on her birthday they lit more wish lanterns along with the rest of the kingdom.

The scene where everyone was releasing their flying lanterns was truly amazing. As I watched the scene I couldn't help but think that lighting wish lanterns or flying lanterns would be a great healing event or tradition for those missing a loved one.

According to the product description, the Sky Lanterns or Wish Lanterns are made from flame resistant paper. When the Sky Lantern has burned out it will gently float back to the ground. Sky Lanterns are made from rice paper and bamboo so they are completely biodegradable.

This scene was truly one of those moments in life that takes your breath away.

Include photographs and/or mementos of your loved one.

As you put out the holiday decorations find a special place to put your loved one's photo or have a photo album on display.

You may want to include a single rose, a candle, a special statue, a vase of flowers or other mementos to create your own sacred space or altar for the loved one.

Customize your own remembrance gift with a photo of your loved one.

This video shows the beautiful tradition of Lantern Floating Festival in Hawaii for Memorial Day 2011. People gather to honor lives lost in war, loved ones who have passed away, and pray for a future of peace and harmony from BongNpinoy.

Hanging a Christmas stocking for the love one is another way of remembering the person who is no longer with you.

You might want to hang their old stocking.

You might choose to create a new Angel stocking.

Let family and friends write notes with their favorite stories that can be put into the stocking.

When everyone has gathered together you can read the notes and take a few moments to remember.

Image from Modified Microsoft Clipart.

Create an Angel stocking to hang in memory of your loved one.

Remembrance and Sympathy Dove Ornament available on Amazon

Another way of remembering is to prepare and serve the loved one's favorite holiday food.

At a first holiday without the love one, you might want to prepare all of their favorite dishes and have the entire meal be of the loved one's favorites.

As the years go by, you may want to have a single holiday dish served in memory of the loved one, picking a dish that most everyone else enjoys as well.

There are many ways of remembering a loved one with music by singing, caroling or listening to holiday songs. You might want to listen to sad holiday songs that help you express the grief in music.

You could spent time while decorating, cooking or preparing for the holidays by listening to their favorite music. Other ways of remembering would be to sing their favorite holiday songs at a family gathering.

You might also want to go caroling, bringing music to those who are shut in (nursing homes, hospitals) in their memory.

Music video by Mariah Carey performing Miss You Most (At Christmas Time).

Read one of the articles on "The Empty Chair" at the holiday table. You might discuss with your family how best to honor the memory of a loved one who has died.

Perhaps it will be to set a place for them at the table and have a physical reminder of the Empty Chair. Others might choose to offer a special remembrance toast or to include the departed love on in holiday prayers or blessings at the start of a family meal.

When you're grieving, the trappings of the season can almost taunt you; ironically, the traditions, laughter and general cheer can also rekindle painful emotions like longing and loss.

Marriage and family therapist Dr. Carol Podgorski from the University of Rochester Medical Center gives encouragement and support during the holidays.

There are many ways to practice Random Acts of Kindness (or even Random Acts of Culture) in memory of a loved on at the holidays.

1. Adopt a family in need for the holidays and provide them with gifts and meals.
2. Give gifts to children for a local giving tree.
3. Bring used items, blankets, food to a homeless shelter.
4. Gather toiletries, knit a scarf for a women's shelter.
5. Check with the local animal shelter to see what types of items are on their Christmas Wish List and them get them some.
6. Establish a scholarship in memory of the loved one.
7. Give Free Hugs.

The Kindness Project began in 1996 as a way for families to honor their deceased child and to help themselves heal.

Now, years later, more than 1,000,000 Kindness Project cards have been used around the world to perform random acts of kindness in memory of a child, parent, friend, or spouse who died before their time.

To lift your holiday spirits watch this Hallelujah Chorus Flash Mob perform in November at The Welland Seaway Mall in Ontario. You may be inspired to organize your own Hallelujah Chorus Flash Mob.

Scented stuffed toys can be very helpful and comforting for children and adults grieving a loss.

Donating to a charity is a great way to doing good at the holidays.

You can contribute the money that would have been spent on a gift to their favorite charity or make a donation to a particular charity in their memory.

12 Ways to Get You in the Christmas Spirit are featured in more depth at the Christmas Spirit lens. Taking a bit of time to get into the Christmas Spirit may help when facing a holiday without a loved one. Besides celebrating the season is very likely what you loved one would have wanted you to be doing for the holidays.

1. Focus on the True Meaning of Christmas.
2. Volunteer Your Time to a Charity Cause.
3. Listen to Christmas Music or Go Christmas Caroling.
4. Share the Christmas Spirit with a Homemade or Handcrafted Gift.
5. Decorate Your Home for the Holidays.
6. Read a Favorite Christmas Story.
7. Do Something Nice for Someone Else.
8. Watch a Christmas Movie.
9. Organize a Local or Online Holiday Charity Fundraiser.
10. Give a Gift that Gives More.
11. Wish People You Meet - Happy Holidays.
12. Do Something for the Environment and Reduce, Recycle or Reuse.

One very helpful way of helping to recognize that the holiday is different, particularly the first holiday after the death of a loved one, is to create a new tradition.

Have the family talk (or email) and take a look at the family traditions. Decide which traditions you want to keep and which traditions might be changed.

You might decide to spend the holidays at a different family member's home. You might decide to take a trip for the holidays.

Take a look at these articles for even more ideas on creating new Christmas customs and traditions.

Happier Holidays adapted from Raindrop Texture by Nossirom.

How do you remember your loved ones at the holidays?